This season of my life reminds me of how truly dependent on the Lord I am. I was so thrilled when David and Katie were able to dress and entertain themselves. The days when I didn’t have to watch them every moment of the day to make sure they weren’t doing something that would hurt them. I relished in my independence. My days off from work were mostly mine. Just me at home enjoying the solitude. I was at the point where I was planning my future. David and Katie were moving into middle school and high school. Before too long they’d be heading into preparation for their life work. What will I do with the rest of my life?
In November of 2006 I found out I was pregnant. Throughout the next few months, the Lord taught me over and over that his plans were greater than mine (Isaiah 55:9). I sensed that He wanted me to turn my heart back toward home, toward my family. I battled with my selfishness. I studied Mary’s response to being pregnant in Luke 1:38. She saw the Lord as sovereign and submitted herself to his plan for her life. As I began to yield my life to the Lord, I was more at peace. Off and on, I have thought about what I could be doing with my time. This is an ongoing battle with my sin nature. Recently the Lord showed me something remarkable. It tied some unsettled feelings together like a math equation that adds up to the Lord’s sovereignty. I have been living my life focused on how I can get more independence. David has recently gotten his driver’s license. I think of being free to drive as the beginning of independence. On the other side, I have a friend who is elderly and has had to give up her driver’s license. She is dependent on others to bring her medication to her and remind her what day it is. This is how God created us. We each will return to that dependent state. I prefer to not think about that. But that season is in my future. I can’t stop it from coming. So, my choice is to push for more independence or to submit myself to the Lord’s plans for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). It’s still a process for me but I’m seeing that my perspective needs to be grounded in the Lord. I want to grow in my relationship with Him. “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12, 14)
In November of 2006 I found out I was pregnant. Throughout the next few months, the Lord taught me over and over that his plans were greater than mine (Isaiah 55:9). I sensed that He wanted me to turn my heart back toward home, toward my family. I battled with my selfishness. I studied Mary’s response to being pregnant in Luke 1:38. She saw the Lord as sovereign and submitted herself to his plan for her life. As I began to yield my life to the Lord, I was more at peace. Off and on, I have thought about what I could be doing with my time. This is an ongoing battle with my sin nature. Recently the Lord showed me something remarkable. It tied some unsettled feelings together like a math equation that adds up to the Lord’s sovereignty. I have been living my life focused on how I can get more independence. David has recently gotten his driver’s license. I think of being free to drive as the beginning of independence. On the other side, I have a friend who is elderly and has had to give up her driver’s license. She is dependent on others to bring her medication to her and remind her what day it is. This is how God created us. We each will return to that dependent state. I prefer to not think about that. But that season is in my future. I can’t stop it from coming. So, my choice is to push for more independence or to submit myself to the Lord’s plans for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). It’s still a process for me but I’m seeing that my perspective needs to be grounded in the Lord. I want to grow in my relationship with Him. “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12, 14)
No comments:
Post a Comment